Never Tell
by Ekat
Summary: River Knows


Title: Never Tell

Author: Ekat

Date: October 2005

Rating: PG

Summary: River knows

Spoiler: Series and Movie

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters mentioned in this story. I make no money off of this.

She stretched out and pressed her cheek against the smooth grain of the sun-warmed wood and closed her eyes. He was inside. And maybe if she tried real hard she could still hear him.

While the others dug the graves she stayed back and came to say good-bye. Let Mr. Universe and Wash have the cold steel surround their remains. She knew they wouldn't care. But this one… he deserved wood and as such she had insisted that the others find enough for him.

He liked nature. She knew it. He may not have always known that she paid attention when he talked to her but she did. She listened to his stories about his time at the Abby and how he liked making things grow. She heard the unspoken parts of the story about how he liked to nurture and preserve after having caused so much destruction and devastation.

She could see and hear what the others could never know. She could hear his thoughts and see into his heart. And what she saw in there made her know that he was like her… a lost soul. Fragmented and tortured. Only he could hide it better.

They had both been used and abused by the Alliance. They had both had a purpose. Only she managed to get away before they were done with her. She had family who came for her. His only family was that which had hurt him.

Back in the beginning, he had had a name. Before they took it away from him and replaced it with a title. But he let them take that name because they had made him believe in what they did. The cause was good and pure and that's all that was important. Belief was everything. The only thing. Without belief you were left drifting aimlessly without a star to guide you.

She knew he served that belief with all his being. It consumed him and gave him peace at night knowing that he belonged and was doing good. She saw in his thoughts that he never took into account what his actions and beliefs cost. Not in money. But in himself. How every time he did something to promote and further his beliefs, a little bit more of his soul withered away and died. How every action hurt someone outside of himself.

It was a girl that changed it for him. Not so different than herself. Lost, confused, scared, helpless but not defenseless. He had his beliefs shattered when that other girl made him see what he was and was doing. That realization did not come soon enough to stop his actions from taking the life light out of her eyes though.

It was only after she was nothing more than a bit of biological waste that he said enough.

He took his retirement with full honors. Letting those that used him think that he was still their man. He gave up the title they gave him but never took back up the name he had been born with. Instead he retreated to find a new belief.

She envied him in the fact that he had found something new to believe in. Even if his symbols and faith made no sense against hard facts and science. But his belief in those symbols gave him life again.

And when he was ready to venture out into the 'verse again, he took a new title and a new name. But the name was just a symbol. Titles never mattered. In his heart he knew who he was.

She knew though, how much he actually hurt when he first saw her. How her presence made him remember what he had been and done. She could hear him tell himself that she was his chance for full redemption. To make amends and help another who had been hurt by the Hands of Blue.

While Simon may have been her family and helped her out of familial love. He helped her because of a need in both of themselves. And together they began to heal.

She stood when the others came to lay his biological remains into the ground. She stood watching, a smile on her face.

She knew about him. Who he had been. Most of all she knew his name. As she thought of that name her smile grew.

"What are you thinking?" she heard her brother ask her.

She looked at him, her smile still wide, and leaned over to kiss his cheek.

"I'll never tell."

End.


End file.
